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Will it matter in five years?

Dear friend,

I cannot even begin to understand what it is to be you. That is because selfishly, I tell myself that I'm glad that it's not me. I tell myself, I have my own set of problems. And depression? It's just a state of mind. Watch a movie. Talk to a friend. You'll be okay.

I know I'm lying. I know I'm just trying to hide my guilt at not trying to understand you better. I know that you're hurting, and all that talk of movie and friends is like applying a single bandage to several cuts all across the body. I know that I need to do much more, but out of laziness, indifference, and/or helplessness, I'm only paying lip service.

And for that, I am sorry. I am sorry that I'm a selfish, self-obsessed, arrogant moron who wants to do more but keeps finding excuses not to do so. I am sorry that I ignore your condition, and at times your existence until I have a use for you. When I have a use for you, I simply pay lip service, sure that I'll get my job done and hoping that my words will do some good to you in some measure. I'm sorry that I know I'm hurting you more with what comes out of my mouth, but I tell myself that this is the best I can do. To summarize, you need empathy, and I serve you worthless words.

But, if you have stayed with me so far, then please bear with me for a while longer. I know it is not my place to ask you not to take the extreme step, but I want you to ask yourself a question - did all of this matter five years ago? Five years ago, did you contemplate harming yourself? If yes, then go back another five years and ask yourself the same question. Now ask yourself, whatever is the reason for what you're about to do, will that reason even be relevant five years from now? Or after that?

If the answer is still yes, then I want you to think of me. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but you'll add to my guilt by taking the extreme step. And who knows, maybe a year from now I will be in your place, contemplating my extreme step. I know that right now you will not believe it, but if you take one step back today, you will save not one, but two lives.

Now, won't that matter in five years?

#Depression #SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #Support

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